Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
