i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
