I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
