I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
