I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
