dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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