so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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