worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
