She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
