I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
