oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
