he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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