Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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