at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
