i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
