I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
now i know why i became what i already was.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
