i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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