So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
