dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
