I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
