Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
