Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
