you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
