you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
