is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
