I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
