Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I look better un-naked...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
