Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize