thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
