At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
