dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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