We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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