That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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