1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
