Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
