How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
