I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
