I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
