I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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