i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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