can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
