I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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