my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
