i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
