dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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