I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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