so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
