hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
