I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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