Soap is not a condiment
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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