You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
