I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
