first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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