My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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