On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
