I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
